The Open Bar Chatroom

Now I feel like I’m scaring people, I’m sorry. It’s just that, I’ve never been good with my emotions since I saw my parents die, I haven’t been the same. Then I got moved to Canada. I still can’t process anything that well. I try. I just wish I’m happier…

I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve scared you guys. I bring people in and then I scare people…it sucks. I’m a very nice a guy irl…but sometimes…I can’t function…

the vodka will make it all better, just finish the bottle

…I’ll go now. I’m sorry for just bursting out…my apologies..

Drinking won’t help, I wish. I’ve tried. I’ve drank too much…I’ve almost died by drinking too much…I’ve had 5 close calls in my life….

thought that would do the trick...

i feel for you, it would be hard being the LastRussianLeft....

I just wish I felt like a normal person.

russ_russ1 wrote:

Fuck man, I’m crying. Only time I ever cry, in my bed, at night. With no one around. Why does life suck? Why do I suck? I don’t know….i just wish I was able to be a better guy…I love where I am now…but memory’s will forever haunt me. This sucks.

russ_russ1 wrote:

I wish….i wish…that I can be better. where’s my antidepressants? Gone. Fuck. Without me, who am I..? Do I just troll off other people? And I a real person..?…I miss with I was young. Carefree…no worrries. That was nice.

russ_russ1 wrote:

Donk2.0 wrote:

Take some time to relax. Have a snack, and rest. I assume you have school tomorrow, so if you really feel unwell ask to take a day off, we all need it sometimes. Simply sleeping for an extra few hours can be massive concerning how you feel. Spend some time talking to people you like or just doing something you like.

I can’t ask for a day off..my parents will ask what’s wrong…then I’d breakdown. Man. I wish I never had this. Why do I seem so gloomy? Why do I seem like a mess? Yeah, I’m sitting in my bed, but like, thinking further, what have I accomplished….my real parents aren’t here. They don’t know what I’ve done here. I wish they were here to see me. I’m better. I swear I’m better. My parents now, they’re good!…I swear…why did you have to leave…

Matvei, you are feeling a sudden emotional burst.

This can be...fatal.

At this point in life, you're letting the demons get in your head again and win.

These are negative thoughts that have been collected over the years...

They're trapping you with the illusion of "Not good enough".

I want you to take a deep breath and calm yourself down.

This is a lot to take in all together.

There's a way to solve all of this, but not in a blink.

I'm not the best kind of person to give you advice or emotional support.

The memories that still haunt you need to be put in a box.

I know it isn't easy...and you're having a mental war between yourself.

Put them somewhere far away for now...until you're ready to face them.

Don't focus on your negative side too much...now, you need to focus on your positive part.

You're a great friend of mine, Mat.

You're able to control your emotions very well... On the other hand, I might just snap and get carried away sometimes...

Your bright personality cheers me up, even with your jokes. It feels like everything is going to be fine...only laughter and love.

About your parents...I have very little knowledge of your parents, but...from the looks of it...this isn't a feeling that you might want to hold for a long time.

I understand that you missed your parents...but, this isn't healthy at all...too much grief can cause physical pain.

I am also gloomy sometimes, but...remembering the purpose of life and many things that we can achieve while we're still alive excites me...

Matvei, you're better than this.

You just have to believe in yourself that you're doing great.

This is a process...and not all of them are easy.

I wish I could be there to hug and comfort you...but, who am I?

I'm only a stranger behind your screen....but I want to help you.

If you want people to love and appreciate you, you have to love and appreciate yourself first.

I know it might sound quite repetitive...it's because I want to emphasize the things that might help you.

I'm no expert at dealing with parents or emotions.

If you need rest or a day off, let them know.

Of course, even my parents would be worried as well...it's because they loved you, Mat.

Any parents would ask things, even for a day off...why?

It's to help identify the reasons and the problems.

How can people help you if you never asked or opened yourself up?

It's not easy like I said earlier...it can be quite a challenge to find the right words.

Perhaps you might want to write things down so that you're able to find the right things to say and avoid any misunderstood from them.

Take your time to write them if you want, just please...believe in yourself that you're better than any of those demons in your head are saying.

YO bumbaclot, McCool beA normaal person brodda, need chill to soma dat good ganja.

JAH RASTAFARI!

matvei, please check pms when you are able to.

…that means a lot. I love you Kadeko for that comment. You don’t truly know how I needed at least something like that in my heart and my head. I gratefully appreciate it.

…my brain…cannot explain in words what I feel. I will miss you all, I will hopefully help myself. I may respond later today. Or tomorrow, it’s hard.

russ_russ1 wrote:

…my brain…cannot explain in words what I feel. I will miss you all, I will hopefully help myself. I may respond later today. Or tomorrow, it’s hard.

Donk2.0 wrote:

russ_russ1 wrote:

…my brain…cannot explain in words what I feel. I will miss you all, I will hopefully help myself. I may respond later today. Or tomorrow, it’s hard.

Just go to sleep and tell us how you feel tomorrow. You need rest. Please, it will make you feel a lot better

may god save me. night.

I thank all of you. I will not die, I’m a very hard man to kill. I just want a new sign of hope.

hmmm.. i thought you were doing a bit cuz you are goated but now it got kinda......... awkward......

russ_russ1 wrote:

I thank all of you. I will not die, I’m a very hard man to kill. I just want a new sign of hope.

-VIP- wrote:

hmmm.. i thought you were doing a bit cuz you are goated but now it got kinda......... awkward......

russ_russ1 wrote:

-VIP- wrote:

hmmm.. i thought you were doing a bit cuz you are goated but now it got kinda......... awkward......

I have brain issues. It’s well…hurts. Thank kadeko. She’s really the one you need. And Donk. All of you, very great people. I will be back.